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Growing up with a father who aged out of foster care shaped a belief in me that I hold to this day: aging out of foster care is simply unacceptable.

My dad and his sister experienced many layers of trauma. Their own father died in a house fire when they were young. My grandmother was a teenager when my dad was born. The impact of my family’s generational trauma was evident, and unfortunately, my dad and aunt both experienced physical and emotional abuse.

After bouncing from family member to family member, they were placed in foster care. It wasn’t their fault. They were dealt a bad hand.

After many years of waiting and wanting to be adopted, my dad aged out of the system. He dropped out of high school. And without access to job training or positive role models, he sadly was arrested. He eventually earned his GED while incarcerated. I believe that without the support of a safe, loving and permanent family, my dad spent the rest of his life struggling. He moved from one institution to another: correctional institutions, the military and mental health hospitals.

I saw firsthand how tough his life was … and didn’t have to be.

When I was a kid, my mom, my brother and I would go to church every Sunday. My dad never came with us. I eventually asked him why. He said, “I don’t believe in God.” I asked him, “Why not?” He answered, “If there was a God, he wouldn’t have let me stay in foster care and never be adopted.” Even as a child, this broke my heart. It wasn’t about his opinion on religion and God, but that sometimes, big challenges are put in front of us to overcome, and no child should have to overcome them alone.

Even with all those challenges, I learned a lot from my dad. He instilled in us that we can do and be whatever we want. To believe in yourself, invest in yourself, and to bet on yourself, taking calculated risks. He taught us to be physically and mentally strong, teaching my brother and I to lift weights and swim. He was very funny and could make everyone in the room laugh. And he was a lifelong learner; he was always reading.

My dad was an incredible artist. He was passionate about creating art and started his own business as a sign painter/maker. He was an entrepreneur at heart and always said he had to “be his own boss.” I believe that was a result of not having someone in his corner for so long.

I inherited much of his creativity and have used it in my personal and professional life ever since. He let us know that he believed in us, and he taught us to enjoy life, having seen both its highs and lows, and to see the world (as the military allowed him to do).

It was important to him that we didn’t repeat the cycle he went through.

My dad passed away in 2016, just a few days short of his 80th birthday.

I felt then what I feel now: aging out of foster care is simply unacceptable.

I can clearly see how my dad’s lack of connections and bonds as a child affected not only his life, but the lives of everyone around him. I wish things hadn’t been so hard for him.

It’s not just that every child lingering in foster care deserves to be adopted. Of course they do. It is truly POSSIBLE for them to be adopted. Every child. No exception.

The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption believes this too and is dedicated to achieving permanency for kids who are most at risk of aging out.

Even older kids and teens, who some people might consider to be “ok on their own,” need love, care and a permanent place to call home just like the rest of us.

I am proud of the work the Foundation is doing and of all the child welfare professionals who are working together every day to make sure aging out of foster care does not become a reality, like it was for my dad.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you, Mick, for sharing your dad’s story and for partnering with us to raise awareness that every child lingering in foster care needs a permanent home and that it is possible … no matter their story.

If you have a connection to foster care or adoption, we invite you to share your story with us and explore other ways to get involved to help a child waiting for a family.