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Through the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption’s Wendy’s Wonderful Kids^® program, adoption professionals, known as recruiters, are dedicated to finding loving, permanent families for children lingering in foster care. However, the work isn’t finished once the right family has been identified for a child. Building trust is essential, but as the youth we serve have experienced countless layers of trauma, broken trust and loss in their lives, this can be difficult. Hear reflections from parents, recruiters and youth about building trusted relationships on the path to permanency.  

For Jess and Sam, who adopted Lilyauna at 18, building trust meant assuring her that she had a space of her own and that she would not have to leave. “It kind of looked like not invading her space in her bedroom. When she first moved in, it took about three months for her to unpack her bags,” Jess shared.  

Andrea, Lilyauna’s Wendy’s Wonderful Kids recruiter, added, “Keeping her stuff packed for that long … there’s this expectation I think that reflects what she’s been through. Constant changes happening and that unsurety of life. Not pressuring her to do something she wasn’t ready to do really went a long way. She needed to feel safe. Like this was actually a place that was going to invest that time in her and be that for her, for her to be comfortable enough to unpack.” 

“It’s good knowing that I’m not going to be moved again. That I’m going to know where I’m sleeping the next night,” Lilyauna shared. “Knowing that I’m going to have people there for the rest of my life that are going to be there, supportive. It just means a lot.” Watch this video to hear more about how building trust helped support Lilyauna’s adoption journey.  

When Johnathan met his dad, Jeff, he had been taking on a parental role for his sister, Patty, for years. He needed to know that Jeff would do the same. John, the siblings’ Wendy’s Wonderful Kids recruiter, shared, “Johnathan needed to be willing to become just the child again, because he hadn’t for about four years. And it was a transition. We had a lot of great conversations, and when he became able to trust the other people, then he was able to hand off those responsibilities.” Over time, Johnathan saw that he could be Patty’s big brother instead. 

For Samantha, preparing to be adopted began with building an understanding and trust in what it means to be a family and the ways families support one another. Her mom, Aaryn shared, “When she came to us, she didn’t have a great understanding of what a family even was. We had to spend some time talking to her, her counselor at the time, just helping her to understand what a mom and dad and siblings are.” 

In Crystal’s experience, building trust included making sure that the entire adoption process was moving at her daughter, Pippa’s pace. Wendy’s Wonderful Kids recruiter, Nikki, took the time to make sure Pippa was comfortable and that her needs were met every step along the way. Crystal added, “She said a couple times, ‘Maybe I’m going a little slow, but I need to for Pippa. I need to know that this little girl that I’ve come to adore is comfortable and safe with how this transition is going.’” Pippa, who used to be afraid of water, demonstrated complete trust in her moms by jumping into the pool and laughing!  

Niyah and Elias’s dad, Jamar, added that building trust simply takes time, and that it continues to build as children experience consistency and love with their family that they might not have experienced before. “Being at a place, a loving home, that desires for you to be there and desires the best for you and is pouring into you day in and day out, that would change any child’s life,” he shared. 

Bringing a child into your family can be one of the most rewarding and joyful events of your life. Legal permanency can take the form of adoption, guardianship or family reunification when it is a safe option. However, your journey doesn’t end at finalization. Adoption can bring a unique set of challenges and questions. Our free post-adoption guide offers resources to help you and your family thrive … together.