Fostering and Adopting as a Single Parent
Did you know that according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 29 percent of children adopted from foster care are living in single parent homes? The myth that you can’t adopt or be successful as a single parent is simply not true. Hear from single parents who adopted through the Foundation’s Wendy’s Wonderful Kids® program about the lessons they learned along the way, and their advice for others considering a similar path to parenthood ❤️
“I have been a foster parent for 19, almost 20 years now,” Kamesha shared. She first met DeMarion when he was placed in her home at age 16. As an experienced foster mom, she was ready and willing to provide him with a safe place to land. DeMarion had originally come to her home as a temporary respite placement, but as he settled in, she realized he needed something more permanent, and the decision to pursue an adoptive placement was made.
“Just something about him,” Kamesha said. “They said he was up for adoption, and the rest is history.”
“After I met with Kamesha, I could tell how she is as a foster parent and a caregiver and a person. She is patient. She’s kind, consistent and firm … She’s one of those parents that has a real understanding of what youth in foster care have been through. And she wants to be that stable, loving parent that maybe some of these kids have never experienced,” Wendy’s Wonderful Kids recruiter Lauren shared.
But they experienced challenges along the way. Some of DeMarion’s needs had fallen through the cracks while he was in foster care. Kamesha advocated for his needs and worked hard to build a community support for both of them. “Being a single mom and having young males, they need to have positive male interactions,” she said. She added that she did her homework to find that for DeMarion. “He has mentors … he has counseling … he has therapy,” she shared.
And she’s helping DeMarion toward a brighter future.
“I want him to be as successful as possible,” Kamesha said. “He’s capable of doing whatever he wants to do. We may have to tweak how you get there, but it can be done.”
The importance of having a community of support was clear in Jessica’s journey as well.
“I love my friends who have adopted children and have been through the foster care system because when I’ve needed support, the people who I go to are the people who are in the trenches with foster care and adoption,” she explained.
Jessica welcomed siblings Bernice, Annamarie and Henry into her home as a foster parent and later adopted all three of them. Her journey took a new turn when her son Henry told her about his friend CJ at school. CJ was still waiting in foster care and needed a loving, permanent family. As the family spent more time with CJ, their bond grew. With help from the Foundation, CJ became a permanent part of the family at age 15 through legal guardianship.
“He was in care for over 3,000 days, and I wanted him to have that sense of belonging and that sense of permanency and that sense of you’re part of a family,” Jessica shared.
“Jessica is like the epitome of unconditional commitment. She understands what these young people have to go through and what they’re dealing with and just knows how to adjust her own life to allow that child to be successful,” Wendy’s Wonderful Kids recruiter, RJ explained.
For CJ, one of those adjustments was following his lead and comfort level about what he would call her.
“He calls me Jessica,” Jessica said. “And he’s like, ‘You’re like a mom to me.’ And I’ve told him, ‘I don’t need to be called mom. I don’t need that validation. I need you to be part of family, and I need you to be connected and have that support and that stability and that connection.’”
For others considering foster care and adoption, Jessica shares, “These kids need to be loved. These kids need a family. These kids need support. And just because they’ve had a bad deck of cards in their life, they still deserve a family.”
Kyleigh first came to Brittany’s home when she needed a safe place to stay after Kyleigh’s stepmother passed away. They met the first night Kyleigh was placed in foster care. Like many single parents, Brittany wasn’t sure she could be all the things that Kyleigh needed, and Kyleigh moved into a two-parent home as a pre-adoption placement. But when things didn’t work out, Brittany knew the importance of being there for Kyleigh.
“I realized that I had a connection and love for Kyleigh,” Brittany said. “I decided to lay down my fear and move forward with adoption.”
Brittany shared that motherhood has stretched and shaped her perspective in many ways. “I think it helps you to grow in your selflessness and being a more gracious and flexible person,” she said. “I feel like I’ve learned a lot about myself in being a mom, and Kyleigh has taught me a lot about love and grace and forgiveness.”
She added, “Laying down the fear of all the what ifs or what could be’s is worth it. You get to see them grow and change and thrive. And I think you find the support you need when you’re in the middle of it. And that’s the one piece of encouragement I would give: to build your support up, not just for you, but also for your kids.”
And Brittany’s community has become Kyleigh’s community, too. “My friendships also have been a really good source of stability and community for her. My friends love her, and they have kids she connects with really well. She loves those relationships, and they’ve meant a lot to her,” Brittany said.
“Becoming a mom through foster care and adoption wasn’t my idea of what I thought motherhood would be like. But it’s also been really beautiful to have a different experience and a different story to share. You get to enter into someone’s life in a really impactful and pivotal way,” she shared. “It’s very hard, but when you have a good support system, you can do it as a single parent.”
Right now in the United States, more than 100,000 children in foster care waiting for a safe, permanent family. They don’t need some specific notions or stereotypes of family. They simply need a safe, loving adult who will make a lifetime commitment to caring for and nurturing them. If you’re interested in learning more about adoption, including how to adopt from foster care, our free step-by-step guide is a great place to start.
